Adversary
The ancient Pagans (or modern Wiccan chicks; it's hard to tell sometimes) in some far-off land used to engage in a quest for knowledge involving pythons. A serpent offered some Cro-Magnon woman forbidden fruit. A serpent was going to devour the Sun in old Egypt. Serpents were sometimes adversaries or friends to the gods in Hinduism.

Get the picture? We've got snakes on the brain.

Of course, there's a reason for that.

Portia gave me the whole scoop. A long time ago, humans engaged in a war with serpent people. From outer space.

Bear with me. I swear this makes sense.

We're obsessed with serpents because our ancestors had to deal with them. A lot. It even shows up in popular culture — ever read any David Icke? What about Robert E. Howard? Or the Harry Potter books? Snakes on the brain.

So, being primitive, language-capable, tool-using mammals, we kicked their asses. Sort of.

Turns out, though we were more tenacious, they were a lot more spiritual than we were. We beat the ever-loving shit out of them, and they died.

Sort of.

You've heard of astral bodies, right? A lot of people say that when the People's Republic of China snatched Gedhun Choekyi Nyima in their bid to usurp the Panchen Lama, he went astral body and escaped. Well, the entire race of serpent people did that (the survivors, anyway).

Except they played a nasty little trick. Each one coiled up next to a human soul and stayed there. They modified the reproductive cycle to match human reproduction, so that each soul that enters into a human body attracts a serpent soul with it.

Have you figured it out yet?

Hindu yogis determined that a series of katas and mantras could awaken the full potential in a human body, by aligning and awakening the chakras one by one. Or all at once; accounts may vary.

They called this energy the Kundalini, the Sanskrit for "coiled." Why coiled? Because they perceived this energy as coiled around the base of the spine, typically as a serpent.

Got it?

Portia tells me that activating this energy makes the person seem more vital and content because the serpent takes over the brain once the chakras are activated. Spiritual enlightenment opens us to possession by alien serpent people.

That's when Portia left, of course. Unfortunately, she didn't tell me any of this until after that little "left-hand Tantra" session or whatever the hell it was. I can feel the energy unfurling from the Muladhara and traveling up.

Next stop, Svadisthana.

Fortunately, I have a backup plan. I'm almost out of these ropes, and Portia didn't go through my stuff. I should still have that nine with me.

It's not really what I wanted for myself, but I'm sure as shit not letting some alien take over my mind. Maybe I'll see Portia in Hell some day.